growing up, i've always felt an overbearing sense of responsibility for my siblings. with two working parents, somehow i assumed a position of authority in the house (why my ate gail didn't i'm not quite sure why). i started checking their homework. making sure they did their chores before going outside to play. grounding them when they were out of line. yelling at my mom for yelling at them. it was a weird dynamic and as we got older, the gap between my siblings and i grew. they hid everything from me. i knew it was because of the role i played in their growing up. so i let go of that role.

years later the gap lessened and we were good. i can always look back and i remember them saying, "you love us more then we love you." it was true. because of my role in their lives, i became over protective and grew to love them beyond the love of a sister. i felt responsible for them. i was their mom and in that sense i love them more.

as i watched my little...i mean younger sister grow up, i wanted to protect her. i wanted her to learn what i've learned without having to experience the pain that came with those lessons. but she's pretty insistent in learning lessons on her own accord. which i can respect, to a point.

currently, there is no way i can support her actions and her beliefs.

if it means you need to point out my flaws to validate your own, so be it. your comparing apples to oranges. do whatever it is to make you happy. tear me down to build you up if you must. i'm done with you and your antics.

i learned to let go of the parent thing. so this is where i draw the line. she is not my responsiblity. don't coming running to me when things go down. my hands are clean.

with letting go...comes a sense of freedom. *breathe*

not a damn thing dreadful about it.

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so, i knew it would happen. it was bound to happen. i wanted it to get to that point. and last night it did. no regrets.

i was finally able to sit there with him...and pretty much laugh at our past. i am so grateful to be where i am now because of what he put me through.

i told him last night, and i'll say it again, i am grateful for the lessons learned...and even appreciative of our short encounter.

he was right. right. what weird cosmic forces put two people in the same spot at that same moment? when we could be in our own worlds, filled with our own chaos...our worlds collide, even if for a instant, and there we were. sitting. talking. laughing. creating an understanding. building stronger bridges. and learning from our past and how we'll take steps into the future. realizing the power of a kiss. and coming to the conclusion that i still don't want to be with you. lol. even more, being glad that "that" feeling didn't sweep over me. it was wonderful.

thanks again for another beautiful lesson.

i know i said a lie

as i laid in bed i cried

i cried about you and i

about my lie

about your truth

how i feel you so ruthlessly

hurt me

so you 2nd guess me

realize how it could be

would be

should be

but lies were told

hearts in hands were hold

dropped on the floor, we fold

we fold our cards, towels thrown in

somehow hearts thought we'd win

but lost was found

as we stood our ground

only to see

how far we're from "we"

how close we're from done

how we'd never be each others "one"

as reality reveals itself. i end where i started not brought down by the journey it took to get me here. here is good. here is where it should be.

you shall be my demise.<br><br>and although there's something about the materialism and corporate corruption that seems to almost insult the culture, i can't help but loooove it!  it's sooo cute!  and it was a steal!  but dude...

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...i suck!

i'm sorry for your loss marissa. :(

i'll keep your family in my prayers.  Jah bless.

*waves*